Conventional Wisdom

• Because your behavior upsets me, you must be the cause of my upset. Since you’re the cause, you should change.
• My telling you that you’re the cause and that you should change is all you need to change.
• If you don’t then change, that must mean you don’t want to change or that you just don’t get it. (It’s not a sign that my behavior is part of the problem.)
• If you then continue to act in ways that upset me, that must mean that I need to try harder to make you change. (It doesn’t mean I’m trying the wrong things.)
• Because I’m now trying harder and harder, and you’re still not changing, you must be uninfluenceable. (It’s not a sign that I am uninfluenceable).
• Given that you’re uninfluenceable, there’s nothing else I can do.
• Given there’s nothing else I can do, then there’s nothing else I will do. As far as I’m concerned, the relationship is over—whether I actually leave or stay.