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Conventional Wisdom

Conventional Wisdom
  • Because your behavior upsets me, you must be the cause of my upset. Since you’re the cause, you should change.
  • My telling you that you’re the cause and that you should change is all you need to change.
  • If you don’t then change, that must mean you don’t want to change or that you just don’t get it. (It’s not a sign that my behavior is part of the problem.)
  • If you then continue to act in ways that upset me, that must mean that I need to try harder to make you change. (It doesn’t mean I’m trying the wrong things.)
  • Because I’m now trying harder and harder, and you’re still not changing, you must be uninfluenceable. (It’s not a sign that I am uninfluenceable).
  • Given that you’re uninfluenceable, there’s nothing else I can do.
  • Given there’s nothing else I can do, then there’s nothing else I will do. As far as I’m concerned, the relationship is over—whether I actually leave or stay.

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